x.kaRen jOy ii’s Blog

how many times do i have to pretend that i still have this feeling for you? i tried so hard to forget you.Trying to make things better, for both of us. But this feeling won’t just fade away.The more you ignore me, the more i realize how important you are to me. Everytime I remember you, I just keep on missing you. Thoughts are bothering me “why?why?why?.. why did i just let you go?”. I was a jerk for letting you go. After those girls going after just to have you, to have a handsome,sweet, caring and loving guy like you(That’s why sometimes i just can’t stop myself from comparing my other suitors to him). But i chose to lose you for my priorities. But sometimes, i ask myself “Did i choose a right decision? letting him go just like that?” or ” will i be happy without him?”. I always want to relive those memories when we’re together, the times when he use to “asar” me and call me with different names (such as pato and bayot), going with me when i need an accompany, visits me when i’m in the clinic, makes me laugh when adversity comes and someone whom i can share with my problems when i’m isolated with those people around me. But didnt he realized how much i do appreciate his effort just to see me?, eventhough he is distant from me. And how greatful am I to have a persistent suitor like him? though he knew that there could be no commitment between us. But i think things would just end up this way, leaving those memories behind and move on with our different lives. But i hope someday, i can truly say “i have finally moved on” ..
yes, you have read it right, he’s just my suitorbut this feeling that i have was more than an infatuation or whatever. Though we dont haveany commitment but i have felt this strange feeling for him.

i just hate myself so much! i know i’m not a perfect a friend  neither a good friend.. i’ve been too sensitive and everything u can tell me.. u may say i’m manhid.. and so you do. fine.. i can say that i’m too wrong! i realize that.. u may think i’m stupid.. bt yAh, i’m not thinking wat i;m saying.. i may hurt sombdys feelings  even u wid dos jokes or those frank words coming from my mouth..  but u jst dont know how i feel sorry for what i’ve done.. but here’s my pride going after me. i dont know how to fight this. QNG KABALO lng m sa aqng feelings..  i may be rude somtimes wid the way i talk and act. so wat?! just dont care about me.. i considered u as one of my BESTFRENDS before.. but i think evrrything has changed. but i still treat u as one of my frends.. but i dont know now how to xare my problems wid u.. ok, sanay n aq n mas lagi kaung magksma kaysa amin.. and i dont care bowt dat.. i know i’ve never been a good model to u..  but i’m sorry for what i’ve done.. i just missed those tyms wen wer always together wid our friends..

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